Culture Shock? Culture Shift…

Since we arrived in our surf town in the North County of San Diego a little over a month ago, we’ve experienced a very different vibe than our affluent East Bay suburb. Our change in lifestyle has offered us a very unique change in perspective. It’s exciting and refreshing all at the same time. So far, on the whole, we are not yet feeling particularly nostalgic or homesick for our suburban lifestyle (with the exception of Cole who says he really misses our actual house and his room – understandable for a 9 year old, for sure). Maybe that’s still because, at the time of writing this, we are still in a sense of vacation mode, Overall, our change in perspective has reminded me how different “culture” can be from one place to the next, and it’s offered me some humbling ah-ha moments and a bunch of chuckles. We’re definitely having a new experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Here are the details…

ANTICIPATING A CULTURAL CHANGE

Planning for our adventure, friends would say, “Oh! Your kids will have such great cultural experiences!” Well, I have to admit that, upon hearing this, I didn’t really think of it that way. I thought… well, if we’re staying in the U.S., and we’re in places like a penthouse condo with a view of the ocean, a fancy loft in NYC, and an elite ski resort in Tahoe, how could we really experience anything “cultural”? Oh boy….. shame on me!! As someone who has been professionally responsible for helping educators understand the difference between race, class, ethnicity, and culture over the past few years, it’s a bit crazy that I would limit my very own thinking!! I simply didn’t consider our trip to be “cultural” because I thought our travels would pale in comparison to other worldschoolers and roadschoolers traveling the U.S. and the world, especially Cole’s new fave The Bucket List family on YouTube.

My brilliant mentor Dr. Sharroky Hollie would likely shake his head at me right now for falling into the exact trap so many people do of thinking that “culture” relates only to exotic experiences across the world, particularly with folks who are not white and not American. I had no idea that our entire family would experience a pretty big cultural shift, just several hours away from our permanent home. It has put me in my place a bit, and we are loving it.

CULTURE SHOCK

Sharroky taught me from the beginning that “culture” is simply “learned behavior”. We all learn from very young ages how we are expected to speak, act, look, eat, dance, have a sense of self, engage with family, make friends, and so much more based on our environment, our family, our workplace, and all of our life experiences. Our individual cultural identity shapes who we are and is formed through the behavior we learn or choose to express. Our cultural identity – and therefore the things we do, say, and even think – may be expressions of things like our gender, geographic location, socio-economic status, place of employment, community activities, nationality, orientation, ethnicity, hobbies, and more. So, when you experience a different situation or environment that engages a majority of behaviors or expressions different from your own, that can lead to a sense of culture shock. And that can happen closer to home than you might think.

Most people think of “culture shock” as something you go through when you travel abroad to a world significantly different from your own, associating it with a sense of disorientation. Research addresses the four stages of culture shock as: honeymoon, frustration, adjustment, and acceptance. Moving from our suburban experience to our current surf town has been exciting, but hasn’t actually left our family feeling particularly disoriented or frustrated about it at all. But, it has absolutely made us take notice of the different ways of life here than in our permanent home’s neighborhood. So, I characterize our experience for now as more of a “culture shift” than a “culture shock”. Some instances make us chuckle and many lead to deeper thoughts and noticings. Here are a few…

LOGISTICAL SHIFTS IN PERSPECTIVE

Some changes in perspective are brought on entirely from our living space. We left a 4 bedroom, 3.5 bath, 2,800 square foot home on almost a half acre on a cul de sac, with a two car garage and two ethernet jacks with two x-boxes with 180 degree views of the sunset over the hills of the East Bay. We now inhabit a 2 bedroom, 2 bath, 800 square foot condo in a building with 4 other condos, our own single car garage, wifi that can be spotty, and slightly obstructed views of the sunset over the ocean. Tanner and Cole now share a room, sleep in the same bed, and sorely miss their ethernet cords that would keep their x-boxes humming and them connected to Fortnite. As a family, we are more on top of each other than we were before. I can’t retreat to a place where I can’t hear the kids, and when the sibling rivalry escalates and voices get loud, all the neighbors can hear it because without A/C, and given the ocean breeze, the windows are always open. We have to plan the ventilation well, so that on the rare hot days, we can capitalize on the air flow through the condo and get the bedrooms cooled down before we go to sleep (SF and Oakland friends, I am feeling you big time because of this!). Even Dave and I have adjusted from our king size to a queen size bed, and that’s a big logistical shift if it’s a big snoring night!

A terrific logistical shift is using the car almost never. We walk to the beach, walk to coffee or happy hour, bike to the library, the climbing gym, and the yoga studio, and we don’t even need bikes with gears because there are no big hills. We get in the car once per week to grocery shop, and it’s so refreshing to get exercise instead of doing carpool. Parking is another story; our beast SUV doesn’t fit in our single car garage, and we have to squeeze it into a tiny space in the alley so as not to get a ticket. My parallel parking skills are now top notch!

WARDROBE CULTURAL SHIFTS

When we first arrived, I felt like I stuck out a bit, and that’s not usually a customary feeling for me in my home neighborhood. Back home, if I sport a cute ponytail and some Lululemon athletic wear during the kids’ school drop off and pick up, I feel like I can fit right in. It’s not the same here. Though eyelash extensions are somewhat popular amongst the 20-something-year-old servers and bartenders in this surf town, eylash extensions combined with: blonde hair & fancy highlights, just the right curling iron curl, a few doses of botox, cute “layered” bracelets, a silk cami, and just the right lip gloss on a 46 year old mom are not super common around here. Now that my botox has worn off, my eyelash extensions have fallen off, I have beach hair, I rarely wear make up or jewelry let alone anything Kendra Scott, my Tory Burch sandals and Nordstrom wedges are deep in the back of my closet, and I’ve traded my Louis Vuitton handbag for a small, Quicksilver backpack, I’m sticking out less and feeling like I’m rockin’ more of the local cultural vibe. I’m also feeling younger and freer, but I wonder if that’s because I don’t actually see a lot of other 40 something moms hanging around – most people I see in my day to day are either in their 20’s/early 30’s or in their upper 60’s.

I no longer bother wearing a cute coverup matched to my swimsuit and beach bag to head to the beach. I wear a bikini and/or wetsuit made for surfing, toss my small backpack including sunscreen and a book on one shoulder, a portable beach chair on the other shoulder, step into my rubber flip flops, put my surf board on my head, and I’m ready to go. My boys carry their own stuff, since I’ve decided I no longer need to be the family sherpa. They wear their board shorts, tuck their surfboards under their arms, wear no shoes, bring nothing, not even a towel, and off we go to the beach.

Friday nights are date nights for me and Dave, so on our first walk down to the restaurants and bars, my very handsome and savvy husband put on what he would to head out in our home town – a light blue button down shirt, white golf shorts, and white boat sneakers. Needless to say, he did not fit in amongst the billboard t-shirts, Vans sneakers, and plethora of very artistic tattoos. The next time we went out, board shorts, flip flops, and a fishing t-shirt it was instead! I joked with him this morning that maybe he should grow a mustache and beard to fit in with the 20-something-hipster-surfer-fabulous look we spy in the breweries and coffee shops. My youngest who has crazy, long swim/surf hair that he refuses to brush fits right in!

COMMUNITY CULTURAL SHIFTS

Other changes in perspective are brought on by our nearest surroundings, the local businesses, and the demographics of the community as a whole. As of the 2010 census, our suburb back home’s approximately 87% white, 8% Asian/Hispanic/Latino, and 0.2% African American population was 1,500 people per square mile; in our surf town, the population of approximately 60% white, 5% African American, and 35% Hispanic/Latino folks was almost 4,000 people per square mile. In our suburb back home, the median annual income as of the 2010 census was $207K whereas in our surf town it was $58K per year, the U.S. being $53K. Back home the median home sale price is $1.8M with a housing density of 500 per square mile; in our surf town, it’s $400K with a housing unit density of over 1,500 per square mile and much higher proportion of folks renting.

These socio-economic stats somewhat account for why my kids pointed out that we’ve seen only one other Cadillac Escalade around here in the past 4 weeks, as opposed to one on almost every corner, every day, in our home town. Tanner and Cole are particularly excited about all of the Camaros they’ve counted, and they’re wondering how much they need to save to buy one when they turn 16.

There is not a single plastic surgery office in the downtown area, as opposed to the several offices in our downtown areas back home. The train tracks with freights and sprinters frequently running through the downtown area add to an already very urban, industrial, automotive vibe that reminds me in look and feel like a cross between the Allston/Brighton neighborhood of Boston circa 1995 and the Montrose area of Houston circa 2003. The trendy restaurants and breweries with great foods and avocado toasts remind me of hip spots in the present day Lower East Side of NYC.

A GREAT CULTURE OF PEOPLE

Best of all, even given so many logistical and statistical differences from home, our surf town community has been so very welcoming. After the first week, Tanner and Cole noted without prompting that, “Everyone is really nice here”. Our neighbors greet us and one another in passing in the streets in a way that reminds me of traditions you might find in the midwest. If you’re carrying or sitting next to a surfboard on the beach, you’re kind of automatically in an unnamed surf club, so be prepared if a fellow surfer stops to ask you how the waves are today.

As we’ve talked to and noticed so many people with different personalities, expressions, and lifestyles, I’ve found myself marveling and saying so many times to the kids, “One of the many great things about living here is everyone is free to be whoever they want to be. You can decide who you are, and whatever is your jam, you roll with it, and roll proud.” Some folks roll their jam in trucks, others in jacked up cars, or on skateboards, while the more transient folks roll with shopping carts and tattered old luggage bags. We’re excited to be figuratively rolling with all of it, and it’s making our time all the more fun and interesting. We’ll let you know of any other cultural shifts that may come our way…

🙂 Carolyn