On November 1, 2019, we arrived in lower Manhattan after leaving Oceanside, CA, stopping by our hometown in northern CA, and saying hi to dearly missed friends and family. We enjoyed six whirlwind weeks trying on a Big Apple lifestyle, living in a loft in the Bowery area of Manhattan – So many friends and family have asked, “What was it like?!” So, here’s a recap of our experience including our favorite restaurants and bars, our homeschooling, our brief encounter with fame, and more…
ANTICIPATION
I grew up on Long Island, NY, about 20 miles from Manhattan – a two hour drive in traffic or a 30 minute train ride. My dad worked at an advertising agency in midtown Manhattan (yes, it was EXACTLY like the show Mad Men), and I spent a summer during high school doing an office internship there, across the street from Penn Station. Aside from the internship, almost all of the many other times I’ve been in NYC over the past 20 years have been literally romantic – whether the time was with one of my ex-boyfriends or my current husband. As a result, New York City really has an extra special twinkle in my memories,
In my last year of college in 1994, I lived at 77th & Broadway at the “Broadway American” hotel/hostel for one month (now fully redone to be the chic Arthouse Hotel), during which I completed a middle school student teaching experience at The Computer School, a magnet school, part of the New York City Public Schools system. It was an absolutely amazing experience to be on my own in the big city. I thought for sure I would end up moving to New York and teaching in NYC after college, but, as it happened, the starting salaries of teachers in Boston were higher, and the cost of living slightly lower, so I chose Beantown and remained there for 10 years. Since then, I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to live in NYC instead. A few close friends, family, and professional aquaintances went that route, and I’ve always envied it!
Dave lived in Russian Hill in San Francisco for 23 years before I convinced him to move to the suburbs of the East Bay. His first visit to NYC was just after college, and he fell in love with it. During our first few months of dating, 15 years ago, we spent Thanksgiving in Manhattan together and had such a magical time. Ever since then, we’ve traveled to NYC often for quick romantic getaways, typically scheduled around his business meetings. Every time we would go to NYC, we’d look at real estate and explore different neighborhoods and wonder, “What would it be like to live here?”
Two years ago, we were in NYC with our boys and my mom for a week during the December holiday season. This past June 2019, we retuned to Manhattan for two days with some friends and family following a relaxing week in Sag Harbor in the Hamptons. During both of those excursions, we covered a lot of the tourist basics: Rockefeller Center, The Empire State Building, the Intrepid Museum, seeing Santa at Macy’s, riding bikes in Central Park, and more. When we arrived in NYC this past fall, the boys had a sense of what the city would look like and feel like. They were actually not particularly excited about the idea of living in it! Trading a sunny beach and daily surfing for a chilly concrete experience just wasn’t that tempting for them, but they kept an open mind.
ARRIVAL
After landing at LaGuardia Airport, we finally found where to pick up our Uber amongst all of the continued construction (is it me, or has this construction been going on for years?!). The trip to Manhattan was a familiar ride for me, and it made me even more excited for this opportunity to try out an urban experience as a family. I love the smell of the air when you exit the airports in Queens – a sweet mix of exhaust and humidity with a splash of smoke that oddly for me somehow says, “home” because NY is where I grew up.
We had an urban experience as a family just once before: We lived in San Francisco when Tanner was 3 1/2 to 5 1/2 and Cole was 6 months to 2 1/2 years old. We lived in the condo Dave owned as a bachelor in San Francisco, and it was a huge challenge to be in a creaky, squeaky, 3rd floor walk up with an infant, a preschooler, and an 85 pound dog – all in less than 1,000 square feet. The views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the Marina were gorgeous, but it was tricky navigating strollers and naps and no backyard . Hence, our trek to the ‘burbs in 2012 for more space. We learned in Oceanside that living in 800 square feet as a family is not as overwhelming now as it was back then, and the fact that our Oceanside condo was just steps from the beach was a huge bonus. As we arrived in NYC, I wondered what it would be like for all of us to live in one of the largest cities in the world?
Arriving at our 2 bed, 1.5 bath Airbnb condo in Manhattan, I wondered how the 4th floor walk-up apartment would be now that our boys were 13 and almost 10 years old? Lugging our suitcases all the way up four flights of stairs just like this first flight had us huffing and puffing! We got used to it, and it kept us in shape. Every time we would complete the third set of stairs, we couldn’t believe there was still one more set to go!
Once we were in the apartment, we chuckled at the title of our Airbnb listing. “HUGE 2 bed Loft Apt in Chic Downtown”. Chic downtown it certainly was in the Nolita area, and while for NYC it is considered “huge”, we remarked at how anything in Oceanside or our hometown would NOT be coined as “huge” at 1300 square feet. This NYC apt was a loft, so it had yet ANOTHER set of stairs to the bedrooms! I wonder if the stairs made up a good part of the square footage? We were super grateful for the space given our tiny pad in Oceanside. Though it wasn’t exactly what the Airbnb pictures showed – different furniture and decorative items (I hear that’s common with Airbnb) – it was light and airy with great quality and in great condition. We could see the sky from the living area, and we were very happy with it. It was perfect for the four of us, and our host was super kind. The boys were pumped that there were two stories because we only have one story in our permanent home in CA, and both beds were super comfortable!
As our Bowery neighborhood became more familiar to us, the boys recognized the mural on the corner and the Whole Foods. As it started to feel more like “home” and the kids would say they want to “go home”, they would clarify by saying “home-home” if they meant our permanent house in CA vs. our space in NY.
RITUALS
We had some rituals in Oceanside that were very important to us and made our time so much fun. As soon as we arrived in NY, I hoped that we could create some rituals that would be meaningful during our time there, too. Unfortunately, most of the ones we had in Oceanside just couldn’t be recreated in the same way – like taking a walk to watch the sunset over the ocean every day. We did walk to see the sun set over New Jersey via the Pier 25 Hudson River Park in Tribeca on two different evenings, but it was a fairly hefty 50 minute round trip. Hoofing that on a daily basis just didn’t quite happen with the over 14,000 steps per day we were already averaging around Manhattan!
COFFEE
Dave spent the first week scouting our entire neighborhood within a ten block radius for the best morning coffee spots. He settled on two favorites, and we alternated walking to one of them together each morning that he wasn’t traveling for work. The kids and I would sometimes take our computers and do some work there, too. They are: The Bean on 2nd Ave at 3rd Street (unfortunately it has since closed) and Ludlow Coffee Supply on Ludlow between Houston & Stanton. I fell in love with the Turmeric Latte with almond milk there!
RESTAURANTS & BARS
In Oceanside, Dave and I enjoyed going to a select few bars & restaurants regularly where we got to know the staff and other locals. In NYC, with just 6 weeks to enjoy it, my guess was that we wouldn’t find quite the same dynamic. There were just so many yummy places from which to choose, and we didn’t want to limit ourselves to just the neighborhood in which we were living. Based on our previous trips to NYC, we arrived with a few ideas and left even more. Dave is an avid Yelper, so here are his amazing Yelp lists:
Dave’s Faves – Bars in NYC – By the end of our six weeks, we knew the staff at The Wren, YN (pronounced “wine”) and Slainte (pronounced “slon-cha” – it’s Irish – It was literally UNDER our apartment at street level), our local faves, by name. Not sure if that’s overall a good thing, but it sure made our regular happy hours super fun!
Dave’s Faves – Dinner Spots NYC – Our 21 most favorite restaurants, and we couldn’t get enough of them! If you’ve never had omokase style sushi, I HIGHLY recommend it!
Dave’s Faves – Lunch Spots NYC – Our 14 favorites, heavy on the Ramen and Asian styles. Yum!
I particularly liked the Bowery Meat Company across the street from our apartment; I was hoping we could establish a ritual where we would head there for happy hour on all of the days that Dave is home, but the prices of just a single glass of wine were a bit cost prohibitive to make it a super frequent experience, so we enjoyed spending Thanksgiving there with some friends from the Bay Area who were in town instead!
MASTERING THE LOGISTICS
The logistics of our daily living were very different than in our hometown in CA or in Oceanside. With all of the stairs to get to our apartment, we learned quickly not to forget anything once we go out, or else we’d have to enjoy a bit of a cardio workout to go back and get it, and we learned quickly what times to do which things and what items to bring or leave home.
Just three days after we arrived in NYC, it was the end of daylight savings time. With the three hour difference from CA, we went from the sun being out until almost 7:30 pm to the sun disappearing around 4:30 pm (1:30 pm CA time), and we weren’t the slightest bit tired when it came to NY’s 7:30 pm. I tried to get the kids to adjust to the time change by waking them up at 8:00 am each day (5:00 am CA time) for the first week, and that was not met with great applause. We’d trudge through schoolwork in the morning rather over tired and jet lagged, but we got through it and enjoyed our subsequent outings nevertheless. After two weeks, I gave up on trying to transfer the kids to NY time. Instead, I let them relish sleeping in (isn’t that part of the fun of homeschooling?!), and we all enjoyed being on the local schedule of having dinner later in the evenings – 9:00 pm EST = 6:00 pm PST.
WEATHER COMPLEXITIES
I also learned I’d have to plan my clothing layers and footwear in cooperation with the daily weather report. We definitely had to pay attention to the weather reports because it could vary by 20 degrees from one day to the next, getting warmer or colder depending on the time of day. If it was going to be 52 degrees, I didn’t have to wear my boots, but if it was going to go down to 40 degrees around sunset, then I’d need to make sure I brought a scarf and maybe my light gloves with me to wherever we were going, so I wouldn’t be chillly on the walk home. If it was going to be less than 40 degrees, I would enjoy my Ugg boots, and if there was a high chance of rain, we’d need to remember to grab the umbrellas before we headed out. We got introduced to the ease of our loft owner’s “Alexa”, and we are constantly asking her stuff, most often about the current and forecasted weather.
NOURISHMENT
In Oceanside, on weekdays, we cooked and ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner at home every day. It was fun to make recipes and have the familiar tastes and smells of home with us during our travels. Here in NYC, that rhythm wasn’t feasible if we were going to head out to see the sights most days. Moreover, it’s very hard to be motivated to cook at home when there were so many great places to eat just steps from our condo! We stocked our pad with all of our breakfast favorites, and for lunch we enjoyed pizza almost eery day per the kids’ choice. The $0.99 places became a huge family favorite! I honestly missed cooking terribly. I actually felt almost disoriented by not cooking regularly and nesting a bit at home. It was harder for me to feel grounded without my slow cooker! I am grateful that the kids became proficient at making or heating simple meals, so Dave and I could enjoy many date nights together trying out different local spots.
GROCERY LOGISTICS
In our hometown and in Oceanside, we went grocery shopping just once per week, tossed all the bags in the back of the car, and cooked almost every night. In NYC, we needed to carry our bags home from the grocery store and up the stairs, so that changed our practice quickly. (I know there are delivery services, but I never made the leap to investigate them during our time there.) Instead of going to the grocery store once per week, we popped into the grocery store every other day or so to grab a few items here and there. The Whole Foods was across the street on the corner, the Asian grocery store a few blocks north, and a Trader Joe’s just a quick subway ride southeast.
The check out process at the Whole Foods on the corner was super initimidating to me at first, especially during the busy rush. The crowd is divided into one of four lines – yellow, blue, red, or green. Then, when a cashier is ready, the big screen tells you which number register to go to, and there are over 20 registers! Be sure to pay close attention – you don’t want to be THAT person who is holding things up in the hustle and bustle of rush hour. I learned that the hard way – complete with nasty New Yorker looks, huffs, and sighs. By the end of our six weeks, I was calling on my own patience to not do the same to the other newbies in the neighborhood!
With all of the shuffle of grocery shopping, after a while I noticed that with the prices of groceries relatively high in NY compared to CA, by the time we bought all of the ingredients for one of our favorite recipes from home, there was a good chance that it might actually cost less if we got some take out or simply just bought “street meat” at the cart on the corner! After a few weeks, that became a ritual more often than not. Tanner and Cole loved the lamb gyro and the shish kebabs, and I became a big fan of the chicken tikka!
SUBWAY STYLE
Pretty much every day, we ended up leaving our neighborhood, and we headed out and back by subway. We successfully achieved our goal for the boys to be able to take the subway by themselves by the end of our time there. From the first day, I left it up to Tanner and Cole to figure out how we would get to and from our desitinations. It was fun watching them check out the street signs and cross-referencing with Siri and Google maps what route would be best. Even swiping the subway pass and moving through the turnstile cultivated a specific finesse, so you don’t end up with a gut punch from the bar if you try to pass through before your swipe is registered completely. Figuring out which train to hop on, whether uptown or downtown was critical. The boys got pretty good at figuring out which corner we should exit, and they knew the way back home from our local station, the local library, and several local restaurants and coffee shops.
WORKING OUT
I really like the ritual of doing yoga, and I found a fantastic studio called New Vibe Yoga at Astor Place where I could practice my favorite type of yoga: Ashtanga in a “mysore” style class. When I was single, I was an Ashtanga instructor. I missed this type of yoga so much; most classes in my hometown are vinyasa style and not quite this specific. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to go to the fabulous studio here in NYC when we first arrived for a week because the shift from 85 degrees to 45 degrees brought me a sinus infection and bronchitis. It was a bummer of a way to start off our time here in the city, but I persevered nevertheless. After a trip to the nearest Urgent Care clinic and a week of antibiotics, I felt almost 100% and looked forward to doing more yoga. I learned, however, that the isolation of the mysore style wasn’t what I needed during this trip. Because I’ve spent so much time alone with the kids in places where I’ve known so few people, it’s more important to me to work out amongst others and foster a sense of community. I will appreciate the group vinyasa classes more now!
I attempted to continue my experience with pole and aerial arts by going to the famous Body & Pole studio in Manhattan, but every time I went online to register for a class at my level, there was a waitlist to get in. I guess pole sport is pretty popular in NYC! Beyond walking a ton, I didn’t end up working out much while we were in NY. There was just so much to enjoy, I didn’t want to miss a minute of it, and I wasn’t motivated to carve out something separate while we were there. I left NYC a bit fluffier than when I arrived due to all of the gluttony of bread, pasta, wine, and more, but I savored every bit of it!
GETTING OUT AND ABOUT
Since our field trips flopped in the San Diego area, I was hopeful that we would have more success in NYC, getting out and about, seeing and learning a ton. There is so much NYC has to offer! Being obsessed with lists of all kinds, of course I combed through all kinds of tourist and homeschool sites to come up with our own list of things to do and parks to enjoy. I organized the list by general location. I knew we wouldn’t get to everything on our list, but it was helpful organizing our efforts by section of Manhattan to maximize our time and subway travels. I decided to stick with Manhattan first, then branch out into the other borroughs later. There’s so much more than what I captured in our lists – it’s so overwhelming, and it was incredible that six weeks wouldn’t be nearly enough!
Unfortunately, my superior organization was once again lost on my loving family members – ha ha! The boys and Dave much preferred not to be in full-on touristy mode for the duration of our six weeks. They wanted to enjoy our neighborhood and the ones nearby in a way that we might if we actually lived there. Would folks who actually live there hit 10-20 different sites and musuems in one week?! Probably not…. but I didn’t want to NOT take advantage of the opportunity to see and explore so much. After lots of discussions as a family, we ended up settling on continuing our plan for each family member to have their own days to plan what they’d like to do. (More about all that was included in my last blog “Kids In Charge!“).
UP TO DAVE
Dave planned the weekends, and the boys and I took turns deciding what to do after the basic schoolwork was done on the weekdays. We left the weekend activities up to Dave for two reasons: 1) he travels a lot during most weeks, so it’s his chance in our crazy year of adventure for him to enjoy time with us, and 2) by the end of the week, I don’t mind having a break from being the lead parent. Dave brought our boys right into that fold as we walked and walked and walked some more – always checking out several neighborhoods, different playgrounds, and enjoying some of the best lunches and dinners we’ve ever had. It works out well that Dave, as the oldest of four busy brothers himself, deeply understands the importance of getting our boys out of the house. While I had the idea to take an historical bus tour of Manhattan that was a bit long for our family team, Dave balanced more simple things like getting haircuts at the barber or playing in the playgrounds with some of the best ideas like going to see STOMP and the play To Kill A Mockingbird on Broadway. The experiences were filled with amazing memories.
READING TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD TOGETHER
I ended up reading the famous book To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee aloud to the boys for the next several weeks after they were riveted by the play, and they LOVED it. I was hesitant because it’s usually introduced in high school, and Cole and Tanner are just 4th and 7th grade. Spoiler… I didn’t regret it for a second!! I loved hearing them appreciate the nuances of what makes such skillful writing, enjoying putting themselves in the shoes of Jem and Scout, and the multiple complex conversations we would have following each chapter.
I didn’t shy away from talking overtly about all of the controversial topics that have provoked school boards to ban this book for decades. Rather, I embraced the opportunity to introduce and/or contine ongoing conversations I’ve been having with my boys regarding a variety of topics, and those topics would then spin into so many other conversations that would surface beyond our time sitting together nad reading. For example, the topic of the history and gravity behind the n-word opened up more dialogue around who can use that word and why when they heard three black friends smiling and using it with each other in the subway station, and that opened up more conversation around what constitutes a swear/curse word, if and when and where it’s alright to use profanity, if so, which ones, and why or why not. Talking about Atticus defending Tom lead to a myriad of conversations from the history of how people of color have been oppressed socially as well as systematically in our society, how that’s not just something in the past… spinning into more specifically why “Black Lives Matter” is a phrase and movement that has huge significance… to topics of incarceration and wrongful convictions and the disproportionality of convictions of people of color… to dialogue around the varying perspectives of neighbors and friends both in the book and in our own hometown… to the notion of the “white knight” and what constitutes allyship. I addressed the topic of rape (in an age-appropriate manner for my 4th grader, of course) in a variety of ways from delving into what is appropriate and inappropriate physical touch, to topics about how women are treated and perceived in society, to what gets discussed and what doesn’t about what happens behind closed doors in people’s homes, what’s ok and what’s not ok, and much, much, much more. Would those same conversations have happened in a classroom? I just don’t know.
I tried to connect what we were uncovering via the book to what we were seeing and experiencing day to day, either literally on the streets of the city, or through what was being portrayed in the news and social media. I toyed with the idea of turning something from just one of these conversations into a literary writing assignment since the majority of the writing they’ve been doing is journaling what a few narratives and expository or research essays sprinkled in. I thought maybe I could ask them to create a literary essay and use specific examples from the book/play to defend their position on something just like they do in school, but, I have to admit, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I probably have decent enought skills to be able to create and have them execute this assignment, but it just seemed too kind of ruin the richness and unplanned sense of our talks. Our time together was too precious, our conversations just too authentic and real and deep, for me to connect them to the banality of producing a grade level piece of writing that meets specific CA grade level literary standards. I’m secretly worried my NOT doing this will ‘bite them both in the butt’ if and when they return to conventional school next year, but I’m going to take the risk. We can use some NewsELA articles to practice the skills of jumping through the literary hoops of the CA Common Core and providing evidence for a perspective, not the stuff that has bonded us as a family and is helping me raise my boys to hopefully be honorable men. I’m somehow oddly protective of that. I’ll try to get to a place where it’s not a binary of either/or, but for now, this is where I’ve landed.
I was so grateful to be having so many conversations with my boys about this book that is a personal favorite of mine. At a very basic level, I was just so thrilled to be enjoying reading aloud with both of them — how much more often will the experience of enjoying such a complex book together happen if and when they return to conventional school? Will we really carve out that time in what will become busy schedules for that as a family? I wonder what my conversations would have been like if I waited for them to read it in high school? I wonder what our conversations will be like when they read it themselves in high school? We’re now on to Catcher in the Rye just to see how they react to Holden Caulfield. We’re also watching all five seasons of Friday Night Lights (one of my favorite TV series EVER). Maybe I can have them draw some connections between Holden and Tim Riggins?!
FUN WITH KELLY & RYAN
Our more serious learning was balanced by some great pop cultural fun! We had such a great time attending the ABC show LIVE with Kelly and Ryan. I’ve enjoyed watching the show since I was a little girl, and the boys have seen it on in the house from time to time in the summers and when they’ve been off from school Kelly and Ryan chat about the frivolous experiences of society, never tackling tough issues or taking a stand for things in a way that is somehow an escape for me (maybe call it a guilty pleasure?) I’ve always been curious about the production behind it. (Dave makes fun of me because I marvel about the production behind EVERYTHING!) The tickets to LIVE are free – all you have to do to be in the studio audience is sign up online, show up when you are supposed to, and smile!
We ended up going to see the show twice! The first time we attended a session that taped sections of future shows. It was so cool to see all of the behind the scenes magic – the lights, cameras, and action. The first time we went, we waited on a super cold day in the lobby area of the studio, which is near Lincoln Center. The lead employee in charge of seating people, who we came to find out is named Monique, saw us and invited us to sit in one of the front rows, much to our delight! The kids were so excited that we decided to turn it into an opportunity to write a thank you letter to her.
We delivered the thank you letter on our second visit, and again Monique (pictured with the boys below) invited us not only to sit in the front, but before the show began, she took us through the back and out the very same doorway that Kelly and Ryan exit into the studio! As if this wasn’t special enough, 7 to 9 minutes into the live episode, Kelly began talking with the boys about old school TV and what it was like. The cameras turned on to Tanner and Cole, and then she and Ryan were talking to them! The boys almost peed in their pants with excitement that we were on TV! As soon as the show ended, I immediately texted friends and family, and of course we called Grandma Linda in California to ensure she would watch it just a few hours later. I wonder if this counts as part of our collective or our individual “15 minutes of fame“? 🙂
BUSY, SILLY BOYS
Our sweet and serene moments of homeschooling or hanging at home during this trip have been treasured memories of mine… but in NYC, those moments came with daily expirations. It was MUCH harder in New York to enjoy down time inside without having had HOURS of physical activity beyond walking for my boys to expel their energy.
We enjoyed some pretty warm weather for the first few weeks, and we were able to get out and enjoy lots of playgrounds and exercise, but after Thanksgiving, it got steadily colder and wetter, and that put a damper on our efforts to go on advanced outings on many weekdays.
The need to get my boys OUT of the home regularly is REAL. I don’t know if it’s unique to my boys, but when left with no plan for anything to do, their initial boredom turns them into SILLY MONSTERS. Instead of recognizing their boredom and calmly turning to Monopoly, cards, drawing, cooking, sewing, model painting, or chess — (which is what I imagine all of the seasoned, well-behaved homeschooled kids out there do instinctively, right??) — my boys just go BONKERS, almost literally bouncing off the walls and furniture. This silliness drives me absolutely INSANE. It triggers me like nothing ever has and turns me into something almost not human in my reaction to it. Typically the boys get “silly” because they have been inside too long and need to go expend some energy.
If they don’t expend energy quickly enough AND they don’t have something focused or structured to do, they end up choosing to “wrestle” which minimally resembles the actual sport. They try something like pinning each other down, giggling the whole time – like a twister game gone tickle fight. All the fun and laughter quickly ceases following a large yelp indicating the ultimate achievement of someone getting hurt (it happens EVERY time), followed by tears flowing frantically, complaints about how they got hurt, topped off by a crescendo of loud yelling at the sibling responsible for the hurting (and who is probably still laughing about it), a pitter patter of frustrated footsteps down the hall or stairs to find me for the sole purpose of tattling.
If I can’t hide or get out of the condo quick enough to completely avoid the fallout, they come to me expecting much stronger parenting skills than I’ve cultivated to date and for which I am at a TOTAL loss. This, of course, only makes me even more aggravated because I saw it coming a mile away; my 46 year old self should have known better!? I scold them not to engage in this ridiculousness yet AGAIN. Same talk, different day. And therein lies the INSANITY – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result! So – new plan, new strategy – and that was the birth of our need to have someone plan a comprehensive enough schedule, even if we are simply staying at home, so that I don’t end up a screaming lunatic in my frustration with them and maybe eating them alive.
I love these boys and our time as a family so much. Tanner and Cole keep me on my toes, sometimes crying, mostly laughing, and I don’t want this exciting one year adventure to come to an end! Our time in New York City was just too quick!!
More to come soon – including lots of pictures – about our experiences with our loving family and friends during our adventure! In the meantime, you can see ALL of the pictures from our time in New York, if you’re curious, here.
🙂 Carolyn