Our “Stuff”

“What about your house? What abour your stuff?” were common questions we were asked when folks learned about our 2019-20 family adventure. Most folks were intrigued by the idea of us packing our stuff up and leaving our most familiar life behind to experience something new. The questions about our stuff showed a caring concern for our logistical well-being and our belongings during our journey and over time. As I ICarolyn) packed up and got us ready for our transition,I wondered more about the role “stuff” plays in our lives and the values we attach to it.

LOGISTICS

We were fortunate enough to rent our home to an adorable, responsible family in our community who needed a place to stay while renovating their own home. So, a few months before our departure, I commenced turning our well-loved 4br, 3 1/2 bath home of 7 years into a rental property. We’ve been vacation and ski rental tenants tons of times over the years, so I was confident I knew the basics of what should be left for renters to use (i.e. pots, dishes, laundry basket, linens, garage door openers, etc.) and which personal items to pack up (photos, keepsakes, clothes, shoes, etc.).

It was a unique experience to look at our home and our stuff as if I were someone about to become a tenant. Suddenly I was seeing my home differently. I saw light bulbs that haven’t been changed in years because we never use them, cobwebs in ceiling corners that I never saw before, a very tired pair of scissors that needed replacing, smoke/carbon monoxide detectors that needed to be updated, and grease on kitchen cabinets that I used every day but didn’t seem to notice. I made a list and set out to get the projects done before we left. Rather than feeling weird about having another family come to live in the space that had been ours for 7 years, it felt good to leave our house in a strong enough condition that another family could feel comfortable making it their home.

Since we have a small storage area on the side of our house, I needed to make sure all of the items we would not be taking with us would fit. I had to pare down significantly. The purging of stuff actually started 6 months before we left just after my father passed away. My brother and I were responsible for going through his belongings and selling his house. We identified things, evaluated for their sentimental or physical worth, packed, and purged. We filled over 7 trash cans with junk that could not be recycled or donated. It was so eye opening to realize that it’s all just stuff, and most of all, you can’t take it with you! When I came back from that experience, I set out to go through every closet, every cabinet, and every item in storage imagining our family was gone and someone else would be combing through our things. What did our stuff reveal about us? Would I care that people would notice that I have a tendency to keep the outside of things tidy, but the insides of drawers and cabinets kind of a mess? What things would be worth passing along to future family? What things of value would need explaining?

By the time it came to prepare the house for our new tenants, I had purged an entire 1-800-GOT-JUNK truck full of stuff that could not be recycled or donated and an additional 10 SUV-filled trips to donation centers. It made me kind of sick to see how I had been a bit of pack rat for almost a decade, even more so to think about how much money had been spent accumulating the stuff in the first place. It made me realize what is realistic about the things I purchase now, what I should keep, and what should be donated a heck of a lot sooner in the future. For example, if I had given away the fancy dresses that were hanging in the storage unit years ago, maybe they would have been used by someone instead of having collected mold and holes, literally rotting in our storage unit and now unusable to anyone. And, why was I holding on to queen sized sheet sets with holes in them from so much wear and tear when we only owned twin and king sized beds? And really, which books would I actually return to reading when I’ve never re-read a book in my entire life? It was time to get rid of stuff that had no reason to be tethered.

We ended up with cabinets and closets inside the house completely emptied of anything personal, the storage unit on the side of our house filled with stuff we will need when we get to our city and our ski spots, and a bunch of memorabilia and items that have value only to us. The experience of going through each and every item in each and every drawer and cabinet offered me an opportunity to reflect on the accumulation of stuff over time and therefore the years that have passed as the stuff has come and gone. When I found the baby blankets my kids used to sleep with, I instantly smelled them to see if the smell of toddlerhood was still there. When I found the list of the things I wanted to be when I grew up that was tucked into a random file folder, I laughed at the idea of being a talk show host and smiled at the fact that I did get the chance to be a college professor, even for just a couple of years. I found Mother’s Day cards in my boys’ early handwriting that brought me to tears, and I found pictures of friends and family that made me laugh. More than the physical exhaustion of cleaning out closets and cabinets each day for weeks, the emotional exhaustion of processing all of the time gone by was intense. Wading through the memories, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

THE VALUE OF “STUFF”

In our mainstream suburban living, as in many areas of the U.S, the having of “stuff” often serves to uphold one’s sense of identity, security, and lifestyle. This was evident in the secondary questions we were asked about our stuff: “Where will you put all your “stuff?” (security); “Wow, that’s so much packing to do! Won’t that be a lot of work?” (lifestyle) and “What will you store and what will you take with you?” (identity & lifestyle). Maybe I’m reading into it, but it’s worth exploring a bit.

As I packed up, I wondered…. What makes “stuff” valuable besides the original price tag paid for it? Why do I value one thing to give away, one thing to place in storage, and another to put in the car? What determines that? All too often, success, status, and opportunity are all evaluated by folks – whether consciously or not – through the portrayal of your “stuff”. The size of your home, the quality of your decor, the kind of car you drive, the shoes you wear, the purse you carry, and more. So, if you have the right “stuff” in mainstream affluent areas, you – by logic proof – have value. (If p, then q. Given p (right stuff), must be q (valuable)) You become a valuable person to get to know, to have access, to gain influence. Of course folks may very well want to get to know you, and you might end up with access and influence completely independent of your “stuff”, but chances are the having of the right “stuff” gets you there quicker or easier in social circumstances. So, in the case of our family now, if our primary “stuff” is no longer with us, or no longer evident on the surface to others during our adventure, what happens? What will that do to our sense of security? Our experience of lifestyle? Our identity? Our relatioships with others? Which “stuff” will render a sense of “value” in the surf town to which we’re headed? In a city? In a ski town? Is it the same “stuff” as in the mainstream affluent suburbs? Why or why not? Does a shift in our “stuf” change who we are? For better or worse?

Of course, when I reference stuff and which kind of stuff render a sense of value, I’m speaking about the social system found in most affluent, mainstream communities and perpetuated by pop culture, the media, and more. I’m not saying that I personally participate in placing more value on people who have more stuff or better stuff – bigger homes, fancy jewelry, nicer cars, etc. I will confess that I enjoy our own house with our pool, our luxury SUV, my fancy sunglasses, and a great pair of shoes! BUT, as a result, I don’t actually think I am more valuable as a person or to others because of these posessions. So, as I packed up each item we own, either to give away, to store, or take with us, I simply became acutely aware of “stuff” and the role it plays in our lives and thought I’d share my wonderings with you. As we head into a surf town, a city, and a ski town, I will be interested to see how “stuff” and it’s connection to us and to the people in the communities we experience plays out. I’ll keep you posted…